Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
