So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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