there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
