all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
