i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's a naked man in my car right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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