Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
