theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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