I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
