Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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