Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize