9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he's gonorrhea incarnate
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
