I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize