ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
