oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
