hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
