I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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