remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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