Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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