i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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