whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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