Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
