what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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