dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
