this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The uberlube is also flammable
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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