what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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