Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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