We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
