Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
