I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
