They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
