shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
