I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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