These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
