You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
