cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
