Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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