i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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