i'm signing you up for texting rehab
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
