put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
