Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have tasted many bathrooms
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
