I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
