So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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