You work out of a Hotel?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
