So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
