We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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