it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
