mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
