I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
