Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
