I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
