I wish my penis had an off switch
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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