I'm gonna have a badass scar
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
