Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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