and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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