reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
