I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
