u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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