No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
