Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
