1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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