Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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