At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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