No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
