So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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