yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
