Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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