When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
