It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
