if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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