It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
